he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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