how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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