And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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