somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
