It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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