My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
