Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
