I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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