I love having hate sex.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
