morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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