Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
