so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
