I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
