i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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