if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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