Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
