Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
