So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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