Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
