So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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