I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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