I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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