Where is the hickey?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
