just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
do nipples grow back?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize