good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
