She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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