can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
