My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
