No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
