She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
