oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and she was petting her beer can
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
