KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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