I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
