i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
