Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize