I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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