I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
