fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
