u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
