If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
