I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
