Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Your dad touched me again.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
