He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
