i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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