the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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