sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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