just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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