Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
