We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
this boner is exhausting
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
