why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
