I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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