You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize