a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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