literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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