She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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