$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Even my vagina gasped.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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