You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
