u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
