I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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