Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
