So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
