are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
