grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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