so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize