so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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