Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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