I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
