I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
