Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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