AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dignity is for republicans.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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