try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
