Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize